OK, before I get into the article itself, let me explain something here. Just in case you haven't noticed, at times I can be...well, let's just say a little off the beaten path. For example, if we're playing word association and you say "tuna",I'm not likely to say "casserole", "salad" or "Bill Parcells". No, I'm more likely to say ""Charlie". You remember Charlie the Tuna? The cartoon fish that Starkist used to use in their ads?
Now, Charlie...that was one weird fish. His whole aim in life seemed to be to get himself ensared in a net, have his head lopped off, be gutted, deboned and chopped into pieces,then be packed in either oil or natural spring water in cans and served to the people of America. Hardly a promising career path.
Having said that, I started thinking about trading, one of my favorite subjects, and thought I'd try and come up with some off-the wall deals. at first I thought about something easy, like maybe trading a couple of packs of tapioca puddling for Lindsay Lohan's brain, but thought that might be unfair to the person giving up the tapioca. So then as they frequently do at this time of year, my thoughts turned to football, and what some teams could do to improve themselves.
Now, trading players is pretty mundane, so I pondered this for a bit and came up with the following:
The Cincinnati Bengals trade head coach Marvin Lewis to the Baltimore Ravens for head coach Brian Billick.
Believe it or not, this actaully makes some sense, in a warped sort of way. For years, I've heard Billick referred to as an "offensive mastermind"
I've always been a tad puzzled by that designation, since in many seasons, including this one, the Ravens main scoring threat seems to be kkicker Matt Stover, who technically isn't even part of the offense. In recent memory, they've never been a really high-scoring team; they win most of their games with a punishing defense.
When Lewis took the Bengal's job, he was widely hailed as a "defensive genius".Well, he may have been a great defensive coordinator, but let's look at the record since he's been the head coach. The Bengals' defensive teams have generally been pretty pitiful, and this year is no exception. This defense is so bad that Notre Dame could probably score three or four touchdowns against them.
So, trade the offensive mastermind for the defensive genius. Within a couple of years, the Ravens would probably be scoring points out the wazoo, the Bengals opponents would be scoring less than a bachelor party held at a convent, and the two teams would be playing for the AFC title.
It's so easy, I'm surprised no one else has thought of it yet. That's it for this edition; I'm off to see if I can come up with a fantasy football deal that Mudgator could love.
