I know this one's a little off the beaten path, even for you two, but look on the bright side: there's virtually no danger in it. You're needed to check out a NFL quarterback named Tom Brady, and make sure he hasn't been taken over by some sort of alien presence.

Yeah, yeah, everybody always knew he was good, and people having been saying for years how much better he'd be if the Patriots ever gave him some real receivers to work with. But his production so far has been out of this world...27 TD passes and only two interceptions through seven games? At one point this past Sunday, he actuall had 10 TD passes through his last 6 quarters!

Now, not that this isn't great for the game; it is. And I personally have no axe to grind, espeically since he's the QB for my fantasy football team. But his play this year has also had side effects on a lot of other players. Randy Moss, who everyone thought had vanished into the Twilight Zone when he left Minnesota, has suddenly been sighted playing like the superstar he used to be. Wes Welker, an underappreciated and underrated WR during his time in Miami, has turned into a pass catching machine. Ben Watson had 5 TD catches already this year, more than a lot of the WRs in the league, and he's a TE. Hell, even Donte Stallworth is getting into the act, and we all know how inconsistent he's been for years.

There's already a lot of specualtion going around that he could break Peyton Manning's season record of 49 TD passes. Well, if he keeps going at the present rate, he won't break it; he'll atomize it. Which could also leasd to ANOTHER side effect...no, no not another Super Bowl win, thought that would certainly be highly probable. No, I'm talking about the possibility of his getting even MORE endorsement deals than Peyton, and the airwaves of america being flooded with nonstop images of Tom Brady. OK, it might have the added desireable side effect of that leading to less appearnces for Peyton,,,but maybe not. What if some advertising genius (an oxymoron, I realize) decides to TEAM THEM UP in a bunch of commercials??? Good Lord, it could be non-stop; they might have to get their own cable channel just to handle them all.

As I've said before, there's not a lot of danger in this one. A few words of caution, however. It's NOT a good idea to go undercover on an opposing team for this assignement. Not only is he protected by a a gang of stawart troops (offensive linemen, they're called), but if you try and cover one of his receivers, you'll only wind up looking sillier than Britney Spears in traffic court.

Good luck with this one, but make sure you don't move too fast. Caution is best in cases like this; I certainly don't expect any results for at least the next two weeks. No, the fact that I play my two toughest opponents in that stretch has nothing at all to do with it. It's just adviseable to make sure of all the facts, and to do this sort of job properly, it will probably take you till...oh, sometime after week 16 of the NFL season.

How 'bout this:

Brady, all man-about-town is shown entering a posh nightclub, the girls all fawning over him.  He strlls up the bar, and the hot babes all clamor for his attention.  "Oooh Tom!"  "Tommy!!"  "Can I buy you a drink, Tom?"

Peyton walks in, un-noticed.  Girls look at him, then turn away, unrecognizing.  He pushes his way up to the bar, and gets between Brady and a drop-dead-gorgeous young thing who had been staring all googly-eyed at Tom. 

"Hey Tom" says Peyton.  "Hey Peyton," replies Brady. 

The girl looks confused.  She asks, "You two know each other?" 

She then turns to Peyton:  "Do you play quarter-fielder for the Lakers, just like Tommy does?"

It would work for almost any product.

or maybe;

Peyton and Tom are sitting at a bar when they happen to the long black hair seated at another table.
 
Peyton says" I wish I could see the beautiful face that goes with that lovely hair", and Tom turns to him and says "I bet you $100 you can't get her to leave with you."  Peyton says "your on, I can get any woman I want."

As Peyton slowly makes his way toward the fabulous hair, Tom feels a hand on his shoulder and turns to his other side and sees Big Ben sitting there.  Ben says to Tom, "how long did it take you to realize that the hair belonged to Troy Polamalu"?

'
Okay... right here and now I think we need to put out a call for an animator to put this one together for us...