Skin Chooser
| Send Help |
|
|
| Written by Tom Dugan | |
| Thursday, 08 March 2007 | |
|
A couple weeks ago I was driving through Wisconsin when I swerved to miss a prairie chicken and wrecked my car on an icy road. I flipped three times and landed upside down in a huge Sheboygan snowdrift. I was pretty messed up, so I felt lucky when an over-insulated, fur-hooded, mukluk-sporting figure dug me from my twisted ’78 Cordoba (with the slick Corinthian leather of course) and hauled me to a deep-wooded cabin and a warm fire. I was relieved when I found the hooded figure wasn’t Steve Buscemi, but was in fact Adam Lasik! I couldn’t believe my luck. Adam was as warm and accommodating as he’s always been. He dressed my wounds, made me comfortable, and cooked me up some brats. We smoked a few cigars and threw back some Jaeger shots, and talked a little football. I was banged up, but I was warm and well. So I didn’t mind chipping in when Adam asked me to write a few articles for the new site. Things were great for a bit. I wrote a little for the site, and I continued to recover. But Adam wanted more. I figured I owed him, so I tried my best, but Adam was never satisfied. Finally, I felt well enough to go home and asked Adam to drive me to the train station. Adam agreed, but he invited me to have one last Jaeger for the road. I don’t know what was in that drink, but the next thing I knew, I was tied up in his basement, and he was bashing my ankles with a sledge hammer. So here I am, in a wheelchair in Adam’s basement, typing on a Texas Instruments 386 with a dial-up connection. I’m living on brats and cheese and I’m so heavily drugged that I can’t tell if the badgers down here are real or not. So if you’re driving through Wisconsin, send help. It won’t be any inconvenience for you - We all know if you’re driving through Wisconsin with out-of-state plates you’re gonna get pulled over anyway. So if you don’t mind, send the trooper to Adam’s place. |
| < Prev | Next > |
|---|